Case study: a day in the life of a therapeutic reparenting carer

"Auntie Sharon, Auntie Sharon, I think I'm wet"
It is three a.m. I find my child standing in his bedroom doorway. I take him to the toilet in case there is any more; then he washes and changes. Back to bed with a hug with me saying, "Don't worry, your wee wee clock didn't wake you up. My husband has changed his sheet ready for him to snuggle down to sleep again.

At sixish; "it's morning" he calls, "I'm awake." I ask him to go to the toilet and then to play in his room until I dress. Once at the table for breakfast, I asked what cereal he wanted - Frosties it is then. He then pushes them away saying, "I won't eat that; I don't like it." I ask, "What's wrong; you chose Frosties' and he replies, "Has it got milk on it?" I ask, "Don't you want milk?" and he replies, "Yes, but they are soggy." I learnt from this; a little milk just as he sits down to eat. The toast was OK - but - there were strawberries in the strawberry jam, so I took the strawberries off, and the toast was eaten. I gave him juice, and you guessed it, he didn't want juice. After lots of choice he wanted a cup of tea! Why didn't I think of that? He is only six.

Wash and teeth time before dressing as the toothpaste can get everywhere. One up and down scrub; "Finished" he says as I watch. I got my brush and said, "I bet you can't do it like me." He loves a challenge and copied every move; with lots of praise I show him his clean teeth (I didn't want to take mine out).

To his room to choose clothes, saying you would look handsome in this and cuddly in that. He loves a cuddle, but handsome it was. He tells me that he has never been called this before, and this has stuck; he is our 'Handsome Hunk'.
He played with one thing after another; testing out our toys, questioning everything with non-stop talking. He can 'Talk for England' but doesn't listen very well. He couldn't share or interact appropriately with other children; could be bossy and demanding of our attention. We found that playing games with him worked well, but he did get cross if he didn't win so we acted cross when we didn't win, but laughed about it - teaching him that it's not the winning, it's the joining in. He hasn't a sport he likes to play, so we tempted him with a football at the park, later in the morning; it ran some of the steam off with lots of praise every time he kicked the ball - even if in the wrong direction. He needed to know what was next all the time, so constantly asked, "What are we doing next?"
Next was home to lunch. We had asked what he liked; and he had chosen and eaten well, and would have kept on eating the cakes until they were all gone until I said, "Did you hear that noise? I think it is you tummy saying I'm full up." He told me, "It's not." I replied, "There it goes again, ‘I'm full up’, you just put your hand on your tummy. I bet you will know." He replied, "I think it is full up." We said, "Good boy, there is plenty of food. You won't be hungry, and we have dinner later, and supper, and maybe a few sweeties for excellent behaviour this morning. Giving lots of praise throughout the day for the smallest of things helps a great deal, and we say, "I wonder if you could help with this job" to help him feel important and part of the family, doing things together for our home.
Later in the day, he began to get angry. We could see by his body language that something was bothering him. He didn't want to talk to us directly, and got angrier kicking out at the furniture, and then at me when I got close enough; to reassure him that he was OK and that I didn't want him to hurt himself or me and inviting him to come and sit with me. I offered to try to help with his muddle, and he shouted that he didn't have one. I asked if he thought a muddle box might help, he could write down what his muddle was, or why he was angry, and put it in the box to sort out when he was calmer. He thought this a good idea, and together we made a small box, and without realising he was able to open up about his muddles as we made the box. He asked if I would write them for him; I did and we posted them into the box. They were about his traumatic past and whether he would be loved by us if he was naughty. He was testing out; we knew this. Reassurance and a hug saying to him, "Thank you for sharing these muddles with me. Do you think I could share them with Uncle John and your Social Worker, then we can all help you can't we?" He agreed, but still said, "I'm a naughty boy" and I replied, "No, the behaviour is naughty sometimes, but you are our Handsome Hunk, and very brave to tell me about your very sad times. You are safe now, I'm very proud of you, and you know you can talk to us anytime. We will listen, and perhaps you could use your listening ears when we try to help you." We have said this many times, along with clear guidelines and boundaries.
We went on to cutting and sticking; we have found he loves to make things; then on to painting the model he had made. He then watched a cartoon video whilst I cooked dinner. He is trying hard to learn table manners and is learning to lay the table for us. We always comment on how good it looks. After eating very quickly, hardly chewing, it was "What next?" again, and then more play until bath time. He loves his bath; loads of bubbles. I wash his back and he is learning to wash his 'private and confidentials' and the rest of his body himself. I give him a time for getting out and never leave him on his own. He likes to pull the plug out and I then wrap a towel around him and lift him out. Sometimes the warm sensation of the water can make him a bit sexualised. I ignore it unless he rubs himself hard too hard; I would then say, "I think those bits are dry enough now." PJ's supper, drink and biscuits; toilet and teeth (with the help from an egg timer or myself). He sometimes chooses who he wants to read; we praise him for the good bits of the day and give him a kiss on the forehead and both cheeks as he does to us; saying as we leave the room, ''Night, Night; God Bless; See you in my dreams in (a country we have previously chosen)" or "On a magic carpet ride." We have talk about this the next day, saying what we had seen and what we did. He sometimes comes out two or three times to see if we are OK, or for the toilet before settling to sleep at 8 p.m. Either of us would wake him for toilet at 11p.m. and he usually sleep walks there and back and never remembers the next day; but we usually have a dry bed. He is thrilled he is called a dry grown up boy.
This can be a typical day in the life of a TRP carer, but can also be easier or more demanding. To see the changes, no matter how small, reinforces why we like doing the job we do.

Please view our other case studies about fostering experiences.