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MYTH - Domestic violence is about couples
getting into a brawl on Saturday night, beating each other up and
disrupting the neighbourhood.
FACT - In domestic assaults one partner is
beating and intimidating the other. One person is dominating and
controlling the other.
MYTH - Domestic violence is usually a one-off
event, an isolated incident.
FACT - Abuse against a partner is an ongoing
pattern of behaviour. It may get worse and more frequent over a
period of time. There may be a 'honeymoon' phase or a time of
remorse, before the tension builds again and another crisis point
is reached.
MYTH - When there is violence and abuse in the
family, all members are participating in the dynamic and,
therefore, all must change for the violence to stop.
FACT - Only the perpetrator has the ability to
stop the violence and abuse. Abuse is a behavioural choice. Changes
in family member's behaviour will not cause or influence the abuser
to be non-violent.
MYTH - Only children directly experiencing
violence are harmed by growing up in an abusive household.
FACT - Children regardless of whether they have
experienced abuse directly are affected by violence in the home.
Children who witness or fear abuse display the same emotional
responses as children who have been physically and emotionally
abused.
MYTH - Victims provoke their abusers or 'know
the buttons to push'.
FACT - Abusers become violent for internal
reasons which are not due to any particular action the victim takes
or has taken. Abusers choose to act in this way.
MYTH - Once an abuser always an abuser.
FACT - Abusive behaviour is learned behaviour
that can be unlearned. However behavioural changes require
intervention, it is unlikely an abuser can change by sheer
willpower.
MYTH - Isn't domestic violence just about
hitting? Surely emotional abuse isn't that bad.
FACT - People who have been abused in several
ways often say that it was the emotional abuse that had an effect
on them. Being constantly undermined, criticized and humiliated can
turn a confident person into someone who is nervous and
anxious.
MYTH - People being abused can always just
leave.
FACT - There are many factors restraining
victims from leaving violent relationships including: Economic
dependence, staying because of the children, fear or reprisals,
lack of knowledge and access to help, social isolation, emotional
dependence and shame.
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